Hey Josh

Help! My Friend is a Vegetarian!

Your best friend just came out to you.  They don’t have a terminal illness. It’s much worse than that—they’ve decided to go vegetarian!

Oh, the agony of losing a fellow carnivore… These veggie-freaks are everywhere nowadays! You keep hearing about these people who eat a plant-based diet excluding meat, poultry, and fish at your workplace and on the news. They say there are hundreds of thousands of them in America, and millions worldwide! And now the craze has invaded your life and it’s thrown your perfectly carnivorous world into tumult. But fear not, dear meat lover! I’ve got your back and I’m here to walk you through the loss and confusion that is losing a meat-eating lover to “the other side”.

Stage One: Shock
What? Huh? You thought they liked steak… Why are they doing this to you? It used to be fun hanging with them. You’d follow up a night of dancing with some classic party food – hot dogs, burgers, tacos. And now they’re not having it. They’re all picky about what they’re willing to eat – they even asked the waiter what the base of the soup was! What gives?

How to cope: Here’s the lowdown: Unlike other diets, vegetarianism isn’t taken on after a nausea-inducing step on a scale. They probably thought it out and did some research. Vegetarians tend to base their decision to go meatless on three main grounds: moral (animal rights), environmental (many consider eating meat to be unsustainable for the planet), or health (they want to avoid getting high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, etc.). See? Those are some serious reasons—and plenty of fuel to get them reading labels and asking questions, so get used to that!

Stage Two: Denial
“Sure, they’re vegetarian now, but just wait until the next Fourth of July BBQ or Homecoming pre-party rolls around. We’ll see then,” you smugly mutter to your buddies, sharing a laugh at their goody-good expense.

How to cope: Understand that your bud has made a serious decision—one they probably didn’t come upon lightly. Unlike that fad celebrity diet they undertook last spring, don’t be surprised if this one sticks, especially if there are moral convictions behind it.

Stage Three: Bargaining
“You don’t know what you’re missing!” you sing, waving a chicken wing in their direction. You figure if you plug the taste factor enough, they’ll cave.

How to cope: Really? They don’t know what they’re missing? They’ve spent how many years eating meat and suddenly, this one chicken wing is so amazing they’ll forever regret passing it up? Give it up. Your efforts are fruitless—and meatless, for them. Most people react to cajoling by pulling back further. Don’t be a cajoler.

State Four: Guilt
Sigh. Okay, so it’s been a few weeks and they’re not letting up with this thing. You’ve asked them a few questions and you don’t like the sound of the answers—especially while you’re eating: confinement in cages, chickens being plucked alive, disease, broken bodies, world hunger. Do you have to feel guilty every time you eat?

How to cope: No, you don’t have to feel guilty when you eat. But, a vegetarian might advise you to go with that guilt and see where it takes you—should the food you eat really make you feel bad? Is it your friend making you feel guilty, or the meat? If confronting “meat guilt” itself is uncomfortable for you right now, then simply don’t ask any more questions until you’re ready for the answers. And anyway, your BFF could probably use a break—they might be exhausted after living through an endless barrage of questions, joking, and possible staring. They’re used to everyone else’s meat-eating ways by now; they know they’re a veggie-freak in a meat-lover’s world. You’re not the only one eating meat in front of them.

Stage Five: Anger
They’ve dropped a few pounds. Well, that’s nice. So maybe this vegetarianism thing is healthier. They even seem happier sometimes. But come on, isn’t the charade over yet? Aren’t diets temporary? And quite honestly, you thought they looked just fine before. Besides, you’re tired of making concessions for them, thinking about what they’re going to eat at the potluck and what your mom can serve when they come over for dinner. Frankly, it’s annoying. You might even have criticized their hypocrisy by pointing out their leather shoes. Nice one.

How to cope: First of all, don’t take things so personally! They aren’t doing it to annoy you. Ask yourself this: would you be this upset over accommodating a friend with depression or an eating disorder? Probably not. Unless they are a really picky eater, most restaurants—even down-home southern-style spots—offer options for vegetarians. Just make sure to check the “heart healthy” or “light” section of the menu. And remember, like you, they can figure out what to eat on their own, so don’t knock yourself out worrying about it too much although you will definitely score some of those coveted “good friend” points for your interest and consideration.

On the flip side, you might have a live one on your hands—a militant vegetarian spouting gruesome facts about the seemingly innocuous food in your refrigerator. If that’s the case, have a talk with them. Tell them you’re glad they’re so passionate about something, but that they’re making you really uncomfortable.

Stage Six: Depression
You want your old friend back. You know, the one who didn’t have such strong opinions and the one who didn’t voice those strong opinions at every single meal. The one who chowed down on your dad’s secret chili recipe. And now that friend is gone forever, replaced by this boring person who eats salads all the time.

How to cope: Don’t despair! You may not have noticed, but your bestest is there for you just like they have always been. The rituals themselves can stay the same, only the food has to change—Saturday night can easily become frozen pizza night, or pita bread and hummus night. There are meat substitutes for most anything these days; they could switch to that while you stick with the fish sticks. As for that secret chili recipe? Be a good friend and ask dad to try creating a vegetarian version. After all, what’s friendship without compromise?

Stage Seven: Acceptance and Hope
You’ve gone through thick and thin with your buddy—and you might even have seen them go from thick to thin, if they’re doing the diet right and eating healthfully. The two of you have been through a lot. Now that you’ve gotten into a routine, you have a couple of new favorite restaurants that you can both enjoy. You have a good hold on what they are and aren’t willing to eat, and the accommodation that you used to struggle with is now a snap. And, bonus—you’re eating healthier too!

The most important thing to remember as you cope with your friend’s decision to go vegetarian is to talk with them. Let them know what’s up—share your feelings about their lifestyle choice and any health concerns you have. Ask them how they’re getting their protein and iron—that’ll make them think you’re really in their corner. But don’t be surprised if you’re faced with some health concerns they have about your diet. They might ask you how you’re getting your vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, folic acid and fiber (boring, yes, I know). Be prepared to engage in dialog about this sort of thing (because it will come up), and remember, no one’s diet is perfect 100 percent of the time. The best thing you two can do for each other is to be supportive and accepting of each other.

Yes, we can all just get along.

Gwen Jimmere
www.TheDuckWalk.com

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