Hey Josh

Well Middle Man-Girl,

I know how you feel. My parents are divorced and they used to try to put me in the middle of any communication between them. This ment that I had to receive my dads anger about stupid stuff and my moms disappointment about others. It never got violent or anything but it takes a huge tole on your mind. You have to lean to just say “Talk to each other” or in your case “Talk to each other and dont try to add me to the convo.” Its hard to do at first but if you let this kind of thing get outa hand then it will hurt you more and more.

Best of luck to you

Well, I believe you should always be there for your family. No matter what. Especially your immediate family and your spouse, whenever you get one that is. If they need someone to help vent their anger out on, then let them. I have plenty of friends over MSN or AIM that have problems. They let out their cries of anguish to me and I comfort them (as best as I can) and give them advice. Sometimes, that’s the best you can do. If you can, however, you may try to get them to see eye to eye. Don’t let them make you the “proof” or “evidence”. If you have to, take control of the situation. You may even have to raise your voice. Don’t get scared to raise your voice to your parents. They’re humans too, sometimes they need it just as much as you do.

Hope I helped,
James Nhan

I go through the same thing when my sis is home from college. I’m four years younger and very different, so my mom always assumes i am on her side. My sister is one of closest friends though and thinks the same way (that i’m always on her side). I tend to get caught in the middle and don’t mind listening to both sides, but hate being asked to affirm that i totally agree with one side, because i don’t. I usually feel somewhere in between the two people’s ideas. Anyway, I guess my advice is be honest. Don’t say you’re with one, and then the other. Speak your mind (w/o being rude) and let your true feelings on the matter speak. Maybe they will realize you aren’t going to just side with either person (you will form your own opinion), and then won’t bother you as much.

Good Luck!

As a family and marriage counselor I have to offer up a term, “Triangulated.” Which is exactly what this young woman is dragged into. In order for the two (mom/sis) to avoid dealing with the feelings and stress they face with each other, they drag in the middleman-girl, who, indirectly, is part of their ploy to get back at each other and avoid dealing directly. I LOVE your advice – set clear boundaries, tell them you love them and walk out! If she keeps that up they will either have to deal with each other more productively or pull in another 3rd party (hopefully not her). It is never in our job description to be dragged into conflicts that are not ours. And our parents even tell us to mind our own business when we try to with others. She is totally entitled to mind her own business and take care of herself. Support them when they are dealing with issues in their lives – but not when they are using her to vent about each other or take sides.

Remove yourself from the situation completely.
if you’re mom and sister are getting into a fight, go to a friends house, take a walk. Lock your bedroom door and listen to your radio on full blast (this may seem a tad immature but trust me it works i am in the same situation, except it’s my parents instead of my sister)
I spend as much time out of my house as possible, by becoming involved with stuff at school, and outside of school. and then they’ll eventually realize that you’re not going to be there every day of their life to solve their problems, because you have your own life and it will start to cool down.
It might take a while, but they will start to realize that they need to deal with each other.