A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”
The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?”
The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small frog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the frog. “Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.”
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash. “No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.”
The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!”
“Don’t worry about it,” the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”

Happy April Fool’s Day!

guy: why are you on your blackberry texting away? *invades my privacy to look at the screen* ooohhh are you twittering?
me: no.
guy: *still looking at my expectantly and won’t leave*
me: yes? does my private conversation really interest you that much?
guy: would you like to go on a date?
me: no.
guy: have you ever been to burger king?
me: i’m an anorexic vegan.
guy: what was your favourite tv show as a kid?
me: power rangers.
guy: who was your favourite power ranger, mine was red.
me: red.
guy: but red is a GUY! you can’t be a guy power ranger!
me: I USED TO BE A GUY!
guy: like a transvestite?
me: yes of course, they did a good job huh?

oh and then here’s another sad one, from a guy i’d been dating on and off for over a year.
“you would be perfect if it weren’t for your big ego”
annnnd
“you know i’m going to inherit my grandpa’s company, 100’s of millions of dollars annually, you can have all of that, you just need to hang in there for 5 more years till we’re done school.”
- not surprisingly i dumped his moronic ass a couple days after he professed his love for me by driveling on for 6+ hours about really weird/pathetic crap.

NUMBER 4: BRAGGING ABOUT HOW YOU’RE THE ‘REAL SHIT’. Cause you’re not. Nobody likes to hear about someone who has ‘this and that’. You just sound like a stuck-up prick. I heard one guy bragging about how he doesn’t take any shit from his parents and even attacted his mom after she hit him for something he did wrong. That is just f!cking wrong! The only good that comes out of this is now we know what scum you are.

NUMBER 3: HYGIENE!!! PLEASE!!!!!!! I can understand if you smell after you’ve just gone for a long run, but otherwise always make sure you smell fresh. I was with a guy that completely stunk, it was incredibly awful. I thought I was going to puke from his body odor. Please, please shower and use deodorant for the love of God!!!

NUMBER 2: LIARS! (YOU’VE BEEN CAUGHT)! So I was with one guy that was an a-hole. I discovered most of what I knew about him was a lie. He told me he liked the same bands as me, liked doing the same activities, and more. Then I learned that he only said those things to get close to me, and I found out he and I have literally nothing alike. What a waste of time! There have also been times where he told me he would call me, which you can guess never happened. Then I also discovered that he lied about his age! And it’s not like he was all, “I’m sorry, but I lied about my age because I thought if you knew how old I really am you wouldn’t give me a chance.” Instead I found out his real age when his MOTHER brought it up!!! Relationships are to never be based on lies, or ever contain them at any point in time.

NUMBER 1: NEVER AND I MEAN NEVERRR BRAG ABOUT THE GIRLS YOU’VE BEEN WITH. There’s this guy that’s been very obviously flirting with me since the start of the school year (looks for every opportunity to be around me, teases me, invites me to hang with him, ect…), but today he really pissed me off by joking about how many ex-girlfriends he did it with. WTF?! No girl wants to hear that! Never ever, EVERRRR bring up your ex’s, especially how many of them you did. That is the biggest turn-off ever! At this point I don’t even think I’d go out with him if he asks because now he just looks like a flirtatious manwhore. Completely disgusting.

Please guys, no bragging, lying, ect.
Be kind, loving, sincere, truthful, and wholehearted.

and i freaked out!
cause it was really, really bad.
and i thought “where am i going get in?”

GUYS: if you have any kind of problems don’t talk about them on the first date, because it’s to damn scary!
in the first date we want to see how awsome you guys are, and how you are going make us happy..

=D