AdviceFebruary25

Hey You, I need new friends

Dearest Advice Mafia,

Keri needs your advice. Hook it up. Thanks!

// josh

Hey Josh,

So heres the d/l. I’m a junior in college, I play rugby, i’m a R.A, and very involved around campus. However, I’ve moved aroud alot and i have a lot of friends, but i don’t really have any close friends i can relate to.

I’m not exactly down for the whole let’s go out and get crapfaced and be hung over for class thing. What is the best way to get past the “Hey what’s up, see ya” too….”Oh my gosh let my people call your people and we’ll do lunch and stuff.”

yezzzir. Thanks and Love.

Keri

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POSTED BY: Josh Shipp 1 year ago
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9 Comments

Keri! I am in the same situation, but am a Junior in high school. I know how tough it is to need someone to talk and just have friends that are close and not just cool in class or whatever. I came to the conclusion awhile back that to expect friends that were concerned about my life, I had to show that I was concerned about theirs. It takes a lot of courage to out yourself out there, but the more you do the more people will want to get to know you and the more opportunities for friendship you’ll have. And it seems like you know a lot of people already from being involved on campus, so just think of that as a place to start. I’m not suggesting that you share your whole life’s story with people, or to ask them for theirs, but sometimes you do have to make the first move. invite people over to your dorm for a study session or plan a get together for your floor. I started a movie club so that I could get to know some of my friends better, and every week it offers a chance for great conversation. Good luck, and remember that you’re not alone.

POSTED BY: Grace on February 25th, 2009 6:21 pm

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POSTED BY: salman on February 26th, 2009 4:45 am

Totaly understand,
(Quick and easy)
Choose friends that have a great time and have the best in mind for you.
And with the whole don’t want to go out and get smashed for fun etc, etc,The way I deal with this is, I be the leader and initiate ideas and set the culture or atmosphere with my Friend/s and I stay consistant with your choices. But have a great time and be fun and just love people, keep it simple Oceans of love
t

POSTED BY: Terrisa on February 26th, 2009 7:17 pm

The best way to get started with making a friend: TALK TO THEM!

Don’t just say “Hey! Bye!”

That doesn’t work!

Find something you both have in common. Talk about an up coming event! Anything you have in common!

Trust me, finding something in common will spark a conversation which can spark a friendship. Just make sure you choose the right people!

Hope I helped,
James

POSTED BY: James Nhan on February 27th, 2009 10:10 pm

Just go up to people and say hi. I’m assuming you’re older than 21, start with bars on or near campus.

POSTED BY: Joe on February 28th, 2009 3:31 pm

I have a sort of the same thing happening to me. Besides my problem is I have few friends and we seem to grow apart.

I found out that the best way to go from that place where you say hi and stuff but never really hang out is to MAKE PLANS WITH THEM. I hate doing things like that but waiting around till they invite you won’t help. Try to make plans to do lunch with them or to do something you both like (for me and my friend it was watching movies and eating popcorn)
The more you invite people and take a part in making things happen the more people will invite you.

Good luck!

POSTED BY: K8 on March 2nd, 2009 5:08 pm

How to get to know someone…
Conversation. And since you’re not the type of guy who goes “hey, meet me at blahblah and we’ll blahblah,” have a common place to chill – It will beat having to send an sms everyday and all that. It will become routine; and the more you guys hang-out, the more you’ll get to know each other.

Remember though, this will not happen overnight (unless your souldmates haha). Getting to know someone will take time and effort form both sides of the fence.

@K8 – ditto on everything you said O.O same situation here. Out of sheer fear that we might grow apart, I planned a lunch date with my friends for the first time. the effort to gather everyone was worth it. :)

POSTED BY: B. on March 4th, 2009 9:18 am

Thanks for the advice everyone! And i’m def a girl not a guy..:)

POSTED BY: keri on March 5th, 2009 6:55 pm

I know where you’re coming from when you say you’re up for a good time, but not having a night out that you just can’t remember the next morning. It’s good that you know your boundaries.

In high school they have groups such as SADD or SGA that are tightly knit but also have good initiative. What I suggest is if you have the time, find a group that you can get involved with. It doesn’t have to be a huge group, in fact, the smaller; the more likely you are to get to know the people more personally.

And to the friends that aren’t so close now; start conversations with them about stuff that they relate to, and then start incorporating your life and your activities into the conversation. It’s a great way to learn more about one another.

I hope I helped!
-Courtney :D

POSTED BY: Courtney on March 9th, 2009 6:30 pm
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