Hey Josh

“Jump Shipp” Premieres This FRIDAY!!

Yo,

Here’s some advice you don’t hear every day: QUIT. That’s right. Forget what you’ve heard about “winners never quitting” ’cause that’s not true–winners quit the right thing at the right time. Every week on Jump Shipp, my new hour-long reality series premiering on Halogen TV this Saturday (Oct. 24) at 2 p.m. FRIDAY at 11 p.m. EST, I’ll be intervening in the life of a young adult to help them avoid the dreaded “quarter-life crisis” by offering them a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to live out their dreams.

To find Halogen on your TV, click here. (If your cable or satellite provider is stingy and doesn’t carry Halogen, shame on them; do yourself a favor and submit a request that they start carrying it–you won’t regret it. Halogen is a new breed of television channel with big plans to do good in the world.)

Thanks for your support!

// josh

P.S. This “pilot” episode will be airing several times throughout the week, so if you miss it on Friday you can tune in on…

—Tuesday, Oct 27 at 7pm EST
—Wednesday, Oct 28 at 3pm EST
—Thursday, Oct 29 at 9pm EST
—Friday, Oct 30 at 1am EST

Inc. Magazine: “Josh Shipp is one of America’s Coolest Young Entrepeneurs”

Hey You!

The weirdest thing just happened: Inc. Magazine announced it’s annual “30 Under 30″ list…and there’s a guy on there (*cough* #24 *cough*) who looks JUST like me. : )

Seriously, I’m totally flattered to find myself on this list. You can read all the nice things they said about me here. Here’s the video they posted:

Very honored,

// josh

P.S. By the way, Inc. let’s you vote for your favorite “30 Under 30″ honoree. Just sayin…

Hey Kanye, That Was Rude

Dear Kanye,

I’ll keep this short, because EVERYONE and their enraged grandmother has been calling you out for your complete lack of self control at this year’s VMA’s. Crashing the stage, swiping the microphone, and butting into Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech and then using your words to steal her spotlight and verbally punch her in the face is a really, really, REALLY jerk-like move. The adage, “better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt” comes to mind…as does Katy Perry’s tweet accusing you of “stepping on a kitten.” Nobody likes people who deliberately step on kittens.

I’m glad to see that you’ve apologized, like, fifteen times already, but—as a general rule—it’s usually better to behave yourself than apologize for being stupid. Just ask your PR manager.

Look, I hope people forgive you, but more importantly, I hope you learn to control your tongue. You’re a passionate person—that’s great (and I think we can all agree that Beyonce is a superstar)—but let’s make it a point to use our passion and use our words to add to people, not subtract from them. Deal?

In the meantime, expect consequences. For example, jokes at your expense. With a little help from kanyelicio.us—a brilliant, timely, and well-deserved “tribute” to your big mouth—I decided to give your website the Kanye-at-the-VMA’s treatment. I hope you find it hilarious.

Behold: kanyeuniversecity.com…with a twist.

// josh

Dear Australian Girls Who Got Trapped in a Storm Drain and Updated Facebook to Get Help…

Dear Australian girls who got trapped in a storm drain and updated Facebook to get help,

Hi, I’m Josh; pleasure to meet you. First, I’m really glad you’re OK—getting lost in a maze of storm drain tunnels is scary business; you two were very brave/foolish to go wandering in there in the first place. Second, I’m glad you thought to bring your cell phones with you on your underground adventure, I’m glad you had service down there, and I’m glad you thought to use them to get help when you realized you were hopelessly lost. That said, what you chose to DO with your cell phones is rather disappointing. I mean, I realize you two are only 10 and 12 and were probably scared and not thinking clearly, but really? Facebook was your first thought?

“Uh…I think we’re lost.”

“We’ll never get out of here. What do we do?”

“Wait, look! My smartphone has service!”

“Really? OMG! Then we can update our Facebook status!”

“Great idea! Here, I’ll do it…’HELP!!! Lost in storm drain tunnel w/ my BFF! Please call emergency services!!! Thx!!!’”

“Perfect! Yay! Problem solved! Hey, can your phone play music?”

“Uh, yeah. What do you want to listen to?”

Look, girls, advice is what I do, so let me break it down for you:

• Generally speaking, don’t play in storm drains.
• In emergency situations, use your phone to CALL FOR HELP. Believe it or not, calling people is actually the primary purpose of phones. I don’t know much about Australia, but I DO know they have a 3-digit emergency services number that’s REALLY easy to remember. Ready? 0-0-0. That’s three (count them) zeros. Or, you can always try calling your parents.
• In emergency situations, don’t bother updating your Facebook status. That’s…weird. And doesn’t really help with the whole emergency part of the situation.
• Facebook is for fun. It’s for stalking and talking to and throwing sheep at acquaintances. It’s not an emergency response hotline. I’m not sure where the confusion is coming from, really.

One last thing, ladies: go thank your friend—the one who happened to be online, saw your status, and actually took it seriously enough to do what you should have done in the first place…call for help. You owe him. So, next time you’re in an emergency, use your phone as a phone.

In your face but on your side,

// josh

Nielson claims Teens Don’t Tweet. Teens Tweet back: “Umm…Yes We Do.”

There’s a funny/awkward conversation going on online right now.

Here’s how it started: the research firm Nielson published a report a week ago flatly stating “Teens Don’t Tweet.” They even produced the stats to prove it.

And then a horde of teens protested their findings…using Twitter.

It’s actually pretty hilarious.

The topic “Teens Don’t Tweet” has been trending through the roof all day. (Almost 500 people have Tweeted about this topic since I started typing this post. True story.)

So, @nielsonwire…you were saying?

// josh  (twitter: @joshshipp)

Hey You, do you Tweet?

Best Twitter Joke Ever: “YouTube, Twitter, & Facebook will soon join together to form one massive social network called…YouTwitFace” –The ever-so-pale Conan O’Brien

Josh On Why Miley Cyrus Is Still a Kid…and Why That’s OK

Hey Miley,

What’s up? It’s your pal, Josh. I couldn’t help but notice your latest photo shoot has caused a little controversy. I’m sure you’ve heard what some people are saying: that you’re trying to grow up too fast, that you’re not mature enough to be posing like that, yadda yadda yadda. Some of these people are probably just jealous that you’ve amassed millions of fans and made millions of dollars (congrats on that, by the way). Others may actually have your best interests in mind.

Here’s my advice:

• Be yourself, not who others expect you to be. Just because you found Lindsay Lohan’s playbook doesn’t mean you have to steal the plays.
• Remember you’re a public role model–everything you do will be imitated by thousands of girls, so all of your decisions have consequences. (If that realization scares the Hannah Montana out of you, don’t freak out. If you need help, I got your back.)
• Sexually exploiting yourself is not a sign of maturity; it’s a sign of insecurity. Think about it.

BTW, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but…FACT: you are still a kid. Embrace it. Being a kid rocks. Sure, you’re independently wealthy and wildly successful, but that doesn’t make you all gown up.

In your face but on your side,

// josh

Hey You, what do you think about Miley Cyrus’ photos in Elle? What’s your advice?

Dear Girl Who Fell into a Staten Island Sewer While Texting

Dear Girl Who Fell into a Staten Island Sewer While Texting,

I know, it wasn’t entirely your fault. And I’m sorry it happened. Those evil workers should have put up orange cones or neon warning lights or barricades or something for you to bump into. But let’s face it, falling into an open manhole is only possible if a) you are legally blind, or b) you are not paying attention to where you’re going.

Advice is what I do, so here’s my advice:

• Don’t text and walk, unless you’re a wizard. Or you actually want to fall into holes.
• Especially don’t text and walk while you’re with your friend; pay attention to the person you’re with. It’s polite.
• Watch where you’re going, on the street and in life. A wise man once created the cliche: if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else. Like a sewer. Ewwww.
• Don’t sue. That is so 2001. Take responsibility for your actions.
• Take a shower and buy new shoes.

A safe distance upwind, but on your side,

// josh

PS — Dear Friend of Girl Who Fell into the Sewer: Why on earth didn’t you WARN your friend that she was about to fall into a hole in the ground? Were you texting, too?

Hey You, do you text and walk? What’s the craziest thing you’ve done while texting?

Michael Jackson, R.I.P.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you’ve probably heard the news that Michael Jackson passed away this week. Michael Jackson! The King of Pop! Creator of the Moonwalk! Not Billie Jean’s lover!

Since his death, coverage of MJ has been everywhere. From MTV to CNN, everyone who’s anyone keeps talking about what an icon he was, how he changed the face of music, how he influenced the likes of Usher, Justin Timberlake, Chris Brown, and everyone in between, and how he’ll be remembered for generations. I have a feeling that we’ll be hearing about Michael Jackson’s greatness for a LONG time to come.

So the question is, why do we wait until someone is gone to truly recognize them? Celebrity or not, why do we wait until someone dies to gather everyone they love and say what an amazing person they were? Why don’t we take advantage of the time we have while people are living? What are some ways you can show those you love how much they mean to you?

Put Words in My Mouth on CNN

UPDATE: Vote for the phrase you think I should say during my CNN interview. Hurry up….voting ends at midnight PST tonight!!

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Dearest Hey Josh Readers/Fans of News,

Warn your grandparents. I’m going to be on CNN. No, I didn’t rob a bank or give birth to 8 babies at once. They’re interviewing me for a segment called “Young People Who Rock.”

I need your help. What should I say?

Your time has come to be on the news…through me. Comment below with the funniest, wittiest, coolest, or most inspiring phrase that you’d like to hear me say on the air. The top 3 entries will be open for voting and the winner gets to hear their line on national television.

The interview is THIS Friday at 3:30pm EST. Submit your phrases ASAP in the comments below for your chance to win!

Larry King’s New BFF,

// josh

PS. If you’d like to ask me a question on the air, submit it HERE and CNN will pick a few of their favorites.

And the next American Idol is….

You tell me. Who do you think is going to take the crown this year? Will it be….

…Adam and his punk rockin’ man-liner get-up…

…Or Kris and his, uh, normal-looking dudeness

Read more…

Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous, and Idiotic

There is an epidemic sweeping our nation, hogging our internet space, and being plastered on every magazine cover on the newsstand (except the lame ones about fishing and knitting). It is…(cue the dramatic music)…Celebrity Stupidity. It happens every time someone famous smokes pot on camera, beats up their superstar girlfriend, or checks into rehab…again. And it never ends. Don’t believe me? Take a closer look at some of the most memorably stupid moments of the past few months:

Read more…

Thank You Harry Ainlay HS!

One of my friends…upon hearing I was traveling to speak in Alberta, Canada actually uttered the following

“Well that’s cool man, but will you have a translator?”

I keep good company.

I had a great day at said high school.  It’s a great school and the students are gifted haiku-ers as well.

I spotted the following on the stage behind me

PUT THE FUNK IN THE DUNK.

All schools should aspire to be so moving in their sports related poetry.

Give my best to the plant I left behind on New Caprica.  (huh?) exactly.

Here’s the videos I referenced today:

DATING VIDEO: http://www.heyjosh.com/date

BREAK UP VIDEO: http://www.heyjosh.com/breakup

Good evening.

// josh

The Inauguration of President Barack Obama

Dearest Youth of America:

I really hope you watched history in the making.  Even if you had to ditch school.  (Can he say that?)  Hey! Calm down hall monitor, it was historic.

Here’s what I dug:

Aretha Franklin: That hat was so pimp. Where can I find that?

The Crowd: I heard 1.5 million.

Rick Warren: “When we fail to treat our fellow human beings and all the earth with the respect that they deserve, forgive us.”

President Obama: He said “I” three times, “We” sixty. We is exactly what it’s going to take to move this country forward.
Read more…

Informationage Discoverage

We know you care about what’s going on in the world, but we also know you’ve only got so much time to investigate.  NPR, or National Public Radio, feels your pain, and they offer reverbiage.com as an apology for being that super-talky radio station your parents subject you to in the car.

Reverbiage.com gives a rundown of headlines that  matter to the world and matter to you.  The website isn’t flashy, but it lets you jump to exactly the stories that you want to read.  They’re short, sweet, and tell you what you need to know.

Whether you hear something interesting or have a Current Events quiz coming up in History class, check out reverbiage.com.  We suggest that you then proceed to freak out your parents at dinner by commenting on “that interesting NPR story about new federal banking regulations in the economic downturn.”   Please report to us on any spewed meatloaf.